Through trials, through God

two thousand and nine

\I’m about to reflect on this year and how much I’ve accomplished
Since alevels got off my back, I only knew breathed the words slack fun enjoy play sleep eat
I have done a total of 9 jobs(&still counting) and undoubtedly I spend most of the money I got on retail therapy, beauty, bags, accessories, clothes and gadgets. Oh and of course my getaway trip to Melbourne.

At the beginning of the year, I held my hopes up high. The initial plan was to do some work, experience the toil of earning money, meet new friends, and then when I gain all those Uni would start by then. To study in my dream faculty, attend all the orientation camps, make more friends, get accustomed to UniLife and. . live whatever lies ahead. It was really what I prayed and asked God for.

As I flip through my diary/planner right now, I recall the days I spent working in HV01/02(now known as 8bit in LiangCourt). The virgin moments of selling tees to customers and staring into space beside a push cart showed me how meaningless life could get if i ended myself doing that in future.
Then God blessed my family with some bonding time on Royal Carribean(You really need to go!) on a five days cruise to KL&phuket with good food, good activities and good company.
Back in Singapore, I had regular meetups with old friends. People like yunsan, stacey, vanessasoh, clarissa kang, shona nerine etc. Talking about lives past present and future. . And then I got busy with planning Prawnit(prawning activity for my youth), meeting up almost every week and speaking to fellow youths whom I werent at all close to. I also decided to play for alumni band(SAJC) together with huihong so saturday nights were spent in campus where we blasted music away.
Despite these, I got hungry for jobs, and I took up Kumon (Stacey’s working there now, the job’s really simple 🙂 anyone and everyone can try it if you want small cash) So the life got really busy! On top of those there were cny,class outings, htf picnic, ngeeannpoly-stacey visit, old school outing, 14febstayover, movies like slumdog, kbox, celebrations for Nezz’s and my birthday, stacey’s chevrons chalet etc all so to keep us occupied with things instead of worrying over Alevel Results.

And that fateful day came. I got average grades(BBCAE), with people telling me that it would grant me a place in uni, just selected courses. So I read up and decided on a certain few faculties that I was interested in and applied. Days past, weeks past, months past, first friend got acceptance letter from NUS, second friend NTU, third friendSMU, more friends got their joyful news and I was still waiting for where God wanted to place me in. I went for interviews at SMU & NTU, I submitted appeals, I even went to the MP just so I could secure a place in university. I wont forget the night where I dreamed I got into NUS, only to find out it was only a dream because I got rejected again. I woke up at 430am, switched on the laptop, anticipating so much, and my heart really broke when I saw the outcome. I felt so down, I teared all the way during breakfast and the journey to work. I was working in my mum’s office at that time, so we took bus to work together. And she didnt know what was wrong, and all she could do was to look at me cry so bitterly. She couldnt help much. I called NUS once the lines were on. I cried so hard at the staircase of the office, and the lady still didnt want to help me. Yeah, I was that desperate. I tried all I could, I even went for SMU band practices. . behind all, I prayed to God daily, just so he could answer my prayers. But God didnt.

It was really hard coping well myself, with my family, friends and the world. How to meet people in future? How to say to my friends I got rejected by all unis? How about my future? you know those thoughts. . those failure thoughts. I put up fronts, I acted like I was okay with all the shit that I had, I continued with outings, Haji, batch BBQ, section lunch, more picnics, kbox, stayovers, chans birthday party, and also the Mascot job which was really fun walking around a fair as a barney! I appeared like I was fine, but then I cried so bad into my pillow each night. Life was tough and rough, so bad. I needed a break. And God allowed me to attend church camp.
You know, the theme was More Than Conquerors. It was the first time I responded to the alter call. One of the nights Mich gave out Hug-me-coupons. That night after service, I returned mich the coupon, hugged her so tight for 5mins and just cried so hard. She kept saying ”Just cry, God knows, He cares, We care". This camp was definitely timely for me. The message and company and rest all made me refreshed. I started seeing some light, you know those they say you see at the end of tunnels? I realised the support I had, the encouragement I got and the plans that was already in place, just unknown then and now.

When I returned back to sunny island, I stopped work at diners. I tried out butler work for private functions and even highlighted my hair(something I promised not to in my lifetime). Candice invited me to NUS Campus Crusade camp, so I went there with no identity, and found a really caring friend, Janice. My Dad and Michelle also challenged me to attend aunty connie’s cell, which I did ultimately. You see, since church camp ended, I had some plans in my head. I was thinking that since I had time to spare for the next few months at least, I could maybe join a christian organisation/ go for mission trips. I enquired much from janice, did some research online, and found some stuff. Meanwhile, I did stupid stuff like go on a gambling cruise to watch sunrise,meet up with longlost valeriechua and catchups with fung, steph, diners colleagues, dawn, ruiqi. I also bought my Itouch(named nugget, chanxi’s ipod’s called fries) and basically slacked my life away.

Anyway, I showed keen interest in community work because I couldnt find any short term mission trips. I chanced upon one by Asian Journeys, which was linked to MCYS. They had an upcoming trip to Huairou, Beijing in October. I signed up for it, only to get myself into much more shit and objection from my Dad. I had cold wars, attitude problems, and maybe semi-depression? I was really upset with my Dad, and myself, and everything. I couldnt understand why he gave excuses and forbade me to go for something I had the time for. Your priorities are wrong? It’s unsafe? It’s not certified? Or more like you are still over protective??? It really sucked knowing that I had a Dad like that, and I could not accept his mindset. I still can’t. This incident was the second hell-pit I entered(universities rejection was the first) and I was really heartbroken. I too realised that it was inevitable, because I had problems communicating with my Dad since. . the choices of university courses. We hardly talk much other than those wake-up moments, eating moments, go-to-bed moments. Is it a common sight my friends? ? So lack of communication caused intolerance, disagreements, misunderstandings and cold wars. It dragged for about 1.5months placing high hopes that I could go for this trip, until 1day it felt like God told me to submit to my Dad, even though I disagreed with his reasoning. So I did(really tough), and surprisingly my Mum was attentive enough that I wanted to get away from spore so badly she granted me a vacation to melbourne!

I had my reasons and objectives for doing up proposals and planning for the trip. It might have seen ridiculous to my pals then, but now I hope you guys see where I was coming from? I wanted to just prove to my Dad what I could come up with, just so to impress him.(which i realise isnt necessary today)
I secretly think that the only reason my father decided to soften his heart and allow for this trip is because I signed up for SIM-RMIT biz management. Well, I did anyway after much intensive thoughts and opinions.
With the itinerary done, and more planning, dates,tickets,and clothes were set and then flew off with Chanxi by ourselves to Melly where Gwen was. The trip was an awesome blast. Seriously. Something I needed, like a medicine. My wounded heart was slightly treated, even though I left somebody really unhappy behind in singapore. Well, in melbourne, I was uber touched when Hh accepted christ. It was so unexpected, sorry hh you must have hurt quite a bit those 3months alone ): I was overjoyed a close friend of mine was saved, internally. It was hard to proclaim it, but I was encouraged. Melbourne made me Margaret again. I became more thankful.

It must have been the christ-centered lifestyle I started to cultivate from 26June,Friday. From that day onwards, I tried my best attending aunty connie’s cell group and pastor’s DG and girls’ cell and sunday’s church services. On 10August2009, I started a habit of giving thanks to God for something daily. So there’s a thanksgiving item on my diary everyday. Honestly speaking, I might not remember everything pastor/auntyconnie said because I have the mind of a dory. . but I admit that I really learnt so much over the past 5months. Friends, Have I changed?

It dawned on me that from the month of July-October I didnt make myself useful. So I started looking out for a job that wasnt too mundane/hectic. By his grace, I got to know Serene(my current manager) who employed me as her personal assistant. She’s in the realty industry, and booming away! I started 2days after I came back from melbourne, and it was a brand new experience. The job scope’s really interesting albeit a tad boring. It started off too flexible even I had doubts I’d stay for 3months. I remember asking God if it was suited for me. They sprouted so much vulgarities, she made me do the most disgusting telemarketing where people wanted to sue me, the working hours lasted till 930pm and I stay like 1000000km away etc. I hung on, and i’ve been there for 3months already. Not too bad, because the past 1.5months I barely work >2times/week hahah! So flexible I even had the time and opportunity to do this best-paying HPevent job at rasa sentosa which was amazing!!!!!! And serene’s really very nice to me, she even let me work 2days dataentry for PMG just so I can earn (more) cash. The past 3months have been mentally and physically tiring, managing work, church and social activities, that includes caleb&jen’s wedding of the year! I’m still contented somehow, especially when Jane and Serene asked me on two different days about church, christian living, and how I could lead such a healthy life not using F/CB/NB/KNN etc It’s like they’ve never heard about christ before. Not that Ive mentioned anything to them, but at least they know someone now, and more to go.

The year’s coming to an end. Today’s 3rd December and in a months’ time I’ll be embarking on a new journey. University Life. Something foreign, something new. I’ve been always trying to reflect on how much I’ve learnt this entire year on buses/rides home. I guess there’s always not enough time to think through all.
Ive stated most of them above already, and other random stuff would be like watching >15dramas, having the most amount of suppers in a lifetime, exercising in gym once a week for about 1.5months, still keeping in touch with this new friend of mine, Rebecca Xavier I got to know through work in Diners and still trying to believe that I meet chanxi at least 4times/week this year :O

I’m excited about December, there’s already quite a few things coming up. As I end my job as a part-timer in 2days time, I’m eager to get through this month, complete my final goals for the year, and write out my resolutions for 2010. 2009, was really a test of faith from God. I’m glad he put me through all these shit, so that I would come out stronger.

In the book of Habakkuk, it states in 3:17-19 "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

In all, it feels like a mega testimony I’m writing, I took 3sessions to write this entire thing but nonetheless I still give thanks to God for he has showed me himself and his mighty works he’s about to do in me.

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7 thoughts on “Through trials, through God

  1. Pingback: 2010: « ♥♥♥

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