Aunty Connie says true christian living encompasses not only receiving salvation (crossing the red sea) but also entering God’s Kingdom (crossing river jordan)
The first part has been given, for free, our choice. But the second part feels like a really big challenge for me. I havent been able to rest in peace with the word enter because to enter brings a lot of actions. It isn’t just mere words or thoughts. And this jordan river seems really wide, that each time I say "Okay, let’s cross it well today", I end up getting lost halfway and I move back to beginning point. Problably not beginning point, but the little little pit stops that are found amongst the width of the river. Everyday, it feels like im moving forward by 5steps but struggles and temptations and problems pull me back by 4steps.
It’s the little progress of 1step per day that gives me the continual faith to pursue my journey of crossing river jordan.
I skipped prayer meeting tonight, just because I didnt wake up on time and 970 took freaking long to come. I walked back home from the bus stop and locked myself in the room and prayed for an hour in darkness. I cried thunderstorm (prolly more than the amt of raindrops poured down this morning) and realised there’s really a lot cooped up within me.
There’s so many things I miss dearly. I miss my past, I miss my history. No, that should not be happening, The Jordan experience is ‘coming out of egypt, living in new self, abolishing old self’. Not easy man.